I would like to provide Nadya Suleman, the women that just
delivered 8 babies, as a single mother, after having 6 already at home, a
bit of education about multiple births, and the impact of birth spacing
on children.
I couldn't possibly comprehend the magnitude of what she has undertaken. I can share with her what its like being the eldest sibling of a group of five, born in three years and six months. And I believe I am the oldest person alive to share the story.
I happen to be a licensed clinical social worker. I am even trained as a family therapist. But my most unique offerings originate from understanding at a core level, what its like to grow up with four siblings born in one year, and yet only two years younger than I
My mother and my father had five children, born in three years. First a single birth, then a set of triplets, then another single birth born.
Dad immediately walked into the version of the "fertility clinic" in early 1961, and had a vascectomy at the young age of 25. I doubt they looked back. They had a handful, all basically, the same age.
I heard Mom had gained 75 pounds during the pregnancy of my triplet brothers. I don't remember. I was only two years 2 months when they came home. One year later, I had a sister, a single birth. Four babies were born after me, in one year and three months.
I was raised with two parents, and two parents that loved us, provided for us, and did the best they could with the resources that they had. I was the only one to attend college, and then graduate school the other four did not. None of the five of us have had children. None of us proclaim homosexuality.
My parents had five babies in three years naturally the old fashioned way. We came at the end of the baby boomer generation, but for our parents, it was the beginning.
We were followed on the news, and featured on the old television show "This is Your Life", The show awarded my parents diaper service for a year, and they hired high level mentally retarded adults to live in and care for us in the home. At the time of our birth, Mom had been a volunteer at one of the State hospitals that so frequently housed the mentally retarded back then, and we took one in, and she became a live in caretaker. It was what we could afford. Frankly it made pretty good use of both needs. She needed a job, and we needed help at a price we could afford.
I was expected to grow up fast. I have set high expectations for myself throughout my life, and feel as if I was pushed forward. I struggle with basic feelings of belonging and have my entire life. When I have looked back, I know that it originated from the birth of my siblings. I am not sure how to change it. I have not seen another birth order like my own.
Two weeks following the birth of my sister, the pill was released into the marketplace. Three years following the last of our five births, the birth of the first set of quintuplets born in the United States happened. We were pretty much forgotten. After all, we had only sputtered out. My parents had been too slow. There seemed to be a race to have more and more babies. The numbers didn't seem to stop. Over 500 sets of quintuplets have been born in the world, and most since the beginning of fertility drugs were introduced.
Where once the news paid attention to the birth of three plus one, that sensation was quickly replaced with births of four, five, six, eight babies or more. Where did it end?
The higher the numbers, the more media attention, and the more likely somebody without the least bit of common sense may rush out to have 20 next. Where does it stop?
For those taxpayers concerned that generations of welfare will repeat one generation after the next with these babies, let me assure them it is highly unlikely. Twinning, birth spacing and multiples do impact reproduction, and twins reproduce at lower rates. Siblings of multiples, may not be so eager to rush out and have babies. As I said earlier, we ended up as five children, born in three years, with no children. We were not sexually abused, physically abused, but we did have some instances of neglect. It wasn't from lack of love, or lack of support. It was because we were born five babies in three years. Its not possible to do this job by oneself.
As a social worker, I have heard stories and seen examples of children raised in much more difficult situations than we were raised in. We had resources and supports of family, but we were also taxing on our families. It wasn't easy to raise us. All of our needs happened at once.
I have some ideas that would benefit our society in helping to raise these children. I would like to speak about them. We are desperately in need of supports and resources for families of multiples.
We must take the opportunity to learn from Nadya Suleman, and explore issues of birth spacing and reproduction, and impact in development.
The issue of multiples has not really been addressed in the social welfare system, and it should be. If there was one group that was less likely to reproduce and repeat the social welfare system dependency its multiples. Multiple births reproduce less. Its just the way it is.
Many events and circumstances have occurred in my life,that have placed me at the forefront of major events. I believe this is a direct result in some unknown metaphysical way, from my unique birth placement.
I would like to tell Ms. Suleman that the events and circumstances surrounding our births do matter. And this isn't about her birth. Its about her children's birth. Their ability to survive and thrive. If they beat the odds, and survive it will not happen because of her. It will only happen because the community came together and figured out a solution. You cannot do this job by yourself, and how foolish to think that you can.
I couldn't possibly comprehend the magnitude of what she has undertaken. I can share with her what its like being the eldest sibling of a group of five, born in three years and six months. And I believe I am the oldest person alive to share the story.
I happen to be a licensed clinical social worker. I am even trained as a family therapist. But my most unique offerings originate from understanding at a core level, what its like to grow up with four siblings born in one year, and yet only two years younger than I
My mother and my father had five children, born in three years. First a single birth, then a set of triplets, then another single birth born.
Dad immediately walked into the version of the "fertility clinic" in early 1961, and had a vascectomy at the young age of 25. I doubt they looked back. They had a handful, all basically, the same age.
I heard Mom had gained 75 pounds during the pregnancy of my triplet brothers. I don't remember. I was only two years 2 months when they came home. One year later, I had a sister, a single birth. Four babies were born after me, in one year and three months.
I was raised with two parents, and two parents that loved us, provided for us, and did the best they could with the resources that they had. I was the only one to attend college, and then graduate school the other four did not. None of the five of us have had children. None of us proclaim homosexuality.
My parents had five babies in three years naturally the old fashioned way. We came at the end of the baby boomer generation, but for our parents, it was the beginning.
We were followed on the news, and featured on the old television show "This is Your Life", The show awarded my parents diaper service for a year, and they hired high level mentally retarded adults to live in and care for us in the home. At the time of our birth, Mom had been a volunteer at one of the State hospitals that so frequently housed the mentally retarded back then, and we took one in, and she became a live in caretaker. It was what we could afford. Frankly it made pretty good use of both needs. She needed a job, and we needed help at a price we could afford.
I was expected to grow up fast. I have set high expectations for myself throughout my life, and feel as if I was pushed forward. I struggle with basic feelings of belonging and have my entire life. When I have looked back, I know that it originated from the birth of my siblings. I am not sure how to change it. I have not seen another birth order like my own.
Two weeks following the birth of my sister, the pill was released into the marketplace. Three years following the last of our five births, the birth of the first set of quintuplets born in the United States happened. We were pretty much forgotten. After all, we had only sputtered out. My parents had been too slow. There seemed to be a race to have more and more babies. The numbers didn't seem to stop. Over 500 sets of quintuplets have been born in the world, and most since the beginning of fertility drugs were introduced.
Where once the news paid attention to the birth of three plus one, that sensation was quickly replaced with births of four, five, six, eight babies or more. Where did it end?
The higher the numbers, the more media attention, and the more likely somebody without the least bit of common sense may rush out to have 20 next. Where does it stop?
For those taxpayers concerned that generations of welfare will repeat one generation after the next with these babies, let me assure them it is highly unlikely. Twinning, birth spacing and multiples do impact reproduction, and twins reproduce at lower rates. Siblings of multiples, may not be so eager to rush out and have babies. As I said earlier, we ended up as five children, born in three years, with no children. We were not sexually abused, physically abused, but we did have some instances of neglect. It wasn't from lack of love, or lack of support. It was because we were born five babies in three years. Its not possible to do this job by oneself.
As a social worker, I have heard stories and seen examples of children raised in much more difficult situations than we were raised in. We had resources and supports of family, but we were also taxing on our families. It wasn't easy to raise us. All of our needs happened at once.
I have some ideas that would benefit our society in helping to raise these children. I would like to speak about them. We are desperately in need of supports and resources for families of multiples.
We must take the opportunity to learn from Nadya Suleman, and explore issues of birth spacing and reproduction, and impact in development.
The issue of multiples has not really been addressed in the social welfare system, and it should be. If there was one group that was less likely to reproduce and repeat the social welfare system dependency its multiples. Multiple births reproduce less. Its just the way it is.
Many events and circumstances have occurred in my life,that have placed me at the forefront of major events. I believe this is a direct result in some unknown metaphysical way, from my unique birth placement.
I would like to tell Ms. Suleman that the events and circumstances surrounding our births do matter. And this isn't about her birth. Its about her children's birth. Their ability to survive and thrive. If they beat the odds, and survive it will not happen because of her. It will only happen because the community came together and figured out a solution. You cannot do this job by yourself, and how foolish to think that you can.
I am interested in speaking to the media about birth spacing,
reproduction, and supports and services that may benefit families of
multiple births.
About the Author
Tammy Stoner is a licensed clinical social worker and trained family therapist. She developed the Teddy Bear Technique® following the sudden and unexpected death of a spouse and discovered a very fast method of generating treatment results when exploring family systems. She has authored a book called The Teddy Bear Technique®, and two activity books known as Not For Tots for Blended Families, and Not for Tots working with grief and loss.
About the Author
Tammy Stoner is a licensed clinical social worker and trained family therapist. She developed the Teddy Bear Technique® following the sudden and unexpected death of a spouse and discovered a very fast method of generating treatment results when exploring family systems. She has authored a book called The Teddy Bear Technique®, and two activity books known as Not For Tots for Blended Families, and Not for Tots working with grief and loss.
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